Relationship Question: Go Big or Go Home? -Hecateinmaidenform
Hecateinmaidenform writes, "First and foremost I hate to be "that relationship question" person, but I'm also feeling a "go big or go home" type anxiety. My husband and I have been together almost 7 years. We have a 4-year-old son, and he also has an 11-year-old son from a previous marriage.
Short version: the first 3 years were really bad emotionally for me, as for the last 4 years he has been gone. When my son was 4-months-old, my husband took a job 7 hours away that he's at for 6 weeks and home for 1 week. This is probably the only reason we have made it until now. The main problem is that he doesn't want to think about those first few years (where all the walls and unresolved issues for me reside), so I quite honestly look at it as more of a business arrangement now.
I'm a solo mom. I take care of everything, all bills, etc., and work part time. But as a Scorpio birth moon, I need so much more. I'm also painfully practical, and I know the finances and everything else that goes along with trying to start over. They are so overwhelmingly much and would mean a huge 180 to my son and my daily life, working full time, etc.
There is also the potential aspect that is amazing but obviously will eventually come to a stalemate. Plus I'm not sure if continuous energy should still be put toward that path, as he has his own struggles.
So, really, I am wondering if I just continue this way and often be disappointed and unfulfilled or if I leave, will there be anyone to help catch the fall? Is there an actual partner for me out there?"
OK, so first: you really are a superhero. I mean that. Any mom who can survive being a single parent achieves superhero status in my book. And it really is amazing that you've held a relationship together through some really challenging times.
I think that it's completely normal for a couple to get to a point in their marriage where one or the other is needing more support and a stronger partnership.
I asked the cards, "What is going on with this relationship?" and got the King of Swords and 8 of Pentacles. This tells me that the masculine energy (assuming this is your husband) is not very passionate or emotional, and is most likely more intellectual, focused more on work. The 8 of Pentacles tells me that this relationship has worked but in a more business-like way -- you have your job/responsibilities, and he has his.
I pulled a few more cards not pictured here. I asked: "What does she need?" and got the Emperor and King of Pentacles: a man who will step up and make decisions and be a confident, present leader and provider for your family.
I then asked, "What does he need?" and got the 7 of Cups and 5 of Pentacles. In short, he may need a wake-up call. 7 of Cups is about too many distractions, all of them being equal in his mind. He needs a realization that the family and marriage should take priority. The 5 of Pentacles indicates that he might also need to feel needed; that being the provider is appreciated and recognized.
Always, always, always, the choice is yours. If you want to look for the Emperor energy in someone else, you can. But, I will say that there does seem to be potential here for your husband to step up to the plate.
I asked what's needed for him to be the man you need him to be. I got the 4 of Swords and the Tower. Essentially, a need for both of you to stop over-thinking things.
The Tower is about radical change. This marriage needs a shake-up. Your values are important. I feel that you should stand up for what you need from your husband and make those needs clear and specific to him. For example, "I need you home every Tuesday (or whatever day) at this time for date night/family time/etc."
There should be compromise, too, of course. If you feel like you have too much on your plate, pass tasks to him that he can do. Some people just really aren't good about doing bills. If he can't handle that, try to pass an equally challenging task to him.
If he doesn't seem invested in what you need or willing to help even in small ways, then your intuition will kick in and you'll know when it's time to let go.